A Short History of Cleavage

The Times-News of Twin Falls, Idaho ran this story on August 27, 2007. Red-blooded American males were disappointed to find no accompanying photographs.

By Jim Shea
The Hartford Courant

The last time I wrote about this subject, I got grief.

What I said was that men watch the Academy Awards for only two reasons - cleavage.

Times have changed. Cleavage has gone mainstream. These days cleavage is like motorcycles; they're everywhere.

Public cleavage once was reserved for specific social occasions like fancy cocktail parties. Now, there is no such thing as a cleavage-free zone, no escaping the great divide.

Cleavage also has become controversial. Hillary Clinton recently created a bit of a stir when she showed up on the Senate floor in pants, a pink jacket, black blouse and cleavage. This prompted a fashion writer from The Washington Post to criticize the quality of Clinton's cleavage, writing: "Just look away!"

Obviously, the Post fashion writer was a woman. To the male, there is no such thing as "look-away" cleavage.

Which is not to suggest that all cleavage is created equal.

You have your common cleavage, your above-average cleavage, your overachieving cleavage and your "Star Trek" cleavage, which has the power to take men where no man has gone before.

Then you have your long cleavage, your stubby cleavage, your wide-body cleavage, your shallow cleavage, your mesa cleavage, your shy cleavage, your full-disclosure cleavage, your full-contact cleavage, your pumped-up cleavage and your reined-in cleavage yearning to breathe free.

Age-wise, there's your late-model cleavage, your middle-age cleavage, your senior cleavage and your vintage cleavage, which is sometimes referred to as "over-the-hills" cleavage.

All of which is suitable for viewing, with one exception, male cleavage. Male cleavage is always "look-away" cleavage, unless, that is, you happen to find Jell-O with hair on it appealing.